The Eleventh, Twelfth and Thirteenth Days

Lord Vishnu said: even after ten days, the family's duty is not over. On the eleventh day the ekadashah shraddha is performed. A pind is offered, Brahmins are fed, and gifts are given as one is able. This is believed to prepare the soul for its onward journey.

The rite of the twelfth day is considered very important. It is called sapindikaran. In it, the pind of the departed is joined with the pinds of their ancestors: father, grandfather and great-grandfather. Its meaning is that the departed has now left the preta state and joined the company of the ancestors.

On the thirteenth day, according to the Puran, the Yamdoots set out with the soul on the long journey to Yamlok. On this day the family offers food, gifts and prayers, and the reading of the Garud Puran is completed. Many homes call this day the terahvin. It also marks the end of the mourning period and a return to life.

The Puran says that gifts given on this day, such as an umbrella, shoes, clothes, grain, a water pot or a lamp, are of use to the soul on its journey. Today many families feed people in need or give to a good cause. The feeling is the same: may someone be helped in the name of the one who has gone.

This thirteen-day order also holds the family together. The deep shock of the first day, then being busy with daily rites, then everyone sitting together: all of this slowly calms the mind. Tradition does not let us grieve alone; it sits us down together.